It's Good 2B Good

DEALING WITH SUDDEN LOSS

On December 13, 2008 my oldest sister, Janice, was killed in a freak accident at an ATM in Port Angeles, Washington. These past 6 weeks have been difficult as I try to deal with the shock of her death and the sadness of the loss. We were not exceptionally close; we only saw each other twice a year and spoke on the phone occasionally in between. But she was my sister and I can't believe she's gone. I miss her. Our family is forever changed. I had 4 sisters; now only 3. I had 5 siblings; now only 4. The world seems different, but I'm not clear yet on how it's different. I'm different, but I'm not clear yet on how. I'm entering a new stage this week in which I am beginning to feel ready to rejoin the world and move forward in my own life, though it's not easy.

     I know I want to live my life in a way that makes her life - and death - meaningful. I ask myself questions such as: What did I learn from her? How has she helped me in my life? How do I want to incorporate her gifts and talents into my own life? How can I still include her in my life? And, most importantly, how can I be a better person as a result of this painful experience?

Updates to follow.

ON THE RECEIVING END

Several years ago I was on the receiving end of a an act of kindness so profound I have never forgotten it. I could have easily had my car vandalized or worse, stolen, if it hadn't been for 2 incredible people who did a very kind act.
I was attending a large festival in a park at night with about 10, 000 people. I parked on a side street several blocks away. Apparently, I put something in the trunk before I left for the park and left my keys sitting on top of the trunk. I had never done that before and have not done it since. But, I did it that night.
Fortunately for me, a young couple walked by my car several minutes after I had left for the park and saw the keys sitting there on the trunk. When I got back to my car a couple of hours later I found this note on my windshield:
"We saw set of keys sitting on trunk of car! Call cell # (her number)" and signed it Rachelle with a happy face.
First of all, I could not believe I had left my keys sitting on the trunk of my car. But, to know that someone had found them and held on to them with the intention of giving them back was amazing to me. When I called the number Rachelle's husband answered the phone and said they were eating at a nearby restaurant and he would run over and give my back my keys. Within 5 minutes he showed up with the keys. I was so grateful. I had never experienced anything like this before. When I think of all the things that could have happened I just feel grateful all over again. I mean, it wasn't just the car key, it was all my keys. Someone could have broken into my home as well as my car.
That note has been up on my inspiration board since the incident to remind me that there are good people out there and to remind me to take every opportunity I get to pass on acts of kindness to as many people as I can.
Acts of kindness really do make a difference.

RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS

I had a chance to do a random act of kindness the other day. I look for opportunities everywhere I go and try to take advantage of them every chance I get. It really makes a difference - I see the reaction of people and it continues to impact me. The reaction, though usually not spoken in these words is: Wow! I can't believe a stranger would help me out of the blue like this. I appreciate it so much. There really are nice people out there!

This is why I believe random acts of kindness are so important. They help people see that their perception that you can't trust anybody and someone's always out to get you, etc. is not accurate. Most people out there are willing to lend a hand. Of course, you'd never know that if you watch the nightly news.

Anyway, all I did was help a young girl get out of parking spot at the grocery store. She had parked close to a side curb with her wheels turned so when she tried to pull out she kept getting stuck. She had no room to maneuver because there was a car on the other side. I spent about 5 minutes helping her maneuver her car back and forth until she was able to get out of the space. She was very grateful for the help. I just told her I was happy to help and asked her to pass it on. I always make sure to do that after I do an act of kindness - it's the most important part. Let people know they are a link in the chain and they can continue the chain by helping someone else in need.

Let's all do more random acts of kindness - but let's not make them random. Let's make them intentional.

I'VE LEARNED THAT...

I bought this really cool poster about 5 years ago. It says at the top "THE WORLD IS OUR CLASSROOM" right under it: I've Learned That...

Then it has about 25 responses ordinary people gave to that phrase. The ages of each responder are listed after their response; the ages range from 6 to 81.
After glancing at it the other day I noticed that several of the responses had to do with goodness/kindness and they really stood out to me. I thought I'd share them with you.
No experts. Just ordinary people.

I'VE LEARNED THAT...
"...it doesn't cost anything to be nice". - age 66
"...whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision." - age 65
"...if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering up someone else." - age 13
"...happiness is like perfume; you can't give it away without getting a little on yourself." - age 59
"...if you smile at people, they will almost always smile back." - age 81

No commentary necessary.

WHAT'S REALLY "COOL?"

Many kids today think it's "cool" to be bad and very "uncool" to be good. Actually it's not just today; kids have believed this for a long time. I'm on a mission to help them see they've got it all wrong.
What they don't realize is that doing anything "bad," which I define here as hurting someone intentionally in any way, never causes the doer of the act to feel good. What they feel is a temporary reprieve from their own inner pain which they then may interpret as good feelings. More than likely they suffer in some way for the pain they have caused another, whether it be rejection, retaliation, or alienation.

On the other hand, when a person does good, which I define as intentionally helping another, the person who does good becomes happier, healthier, and feels better about him or herself. It's difficult not to feel good after helping another because you know that in some way the world becomes a better place as a result of your act. We all want to know deep down we are here for a reason and that we have made a difference. It's built into us. And that's exactly what happens when we do good. And that's really cool.

VIOLENCE ON TV

I've been channel surfing a lot lately (it's so hard to find something "good" to watch) and I've been noticing some interesting things. First of all, over 50 % of the stations are running commercials at any one time. So, unless the station has a logo in the corner with the program info, I can't even figure out what's on. But, more importantly, many of the commercials are movie promos filled with explosions, gun battles, people being chased, attacked, etc. It's overwhelming to see all that. When you add to that the number of stations playing TV shows with the themes of crime, violence, abuse, victimization, etc. you can start to understand the reason kids today have such a difficult time believing that "IT'S GOOD 2B GOOD!" It's such a shame that this wonderful medium is being used to "entertain" us with images and ideas that, not only don't inspire us, but demoralize us and lead us to believe that the world is full of people who want to hurt us, take advantage of us, tear us down, and even kill us.
Now, I know you're probably thinking that the news is full of that stuff, too. But the news covers those stories because that's what gets ratings. It doesn't mean the news gives an accurate picture of life in our cities. In fact, people who watch the news often paint a much worse picture life in their city than is actually true.

Now, TV networks also choose their programs based on ratings, so they are likely to justify all the crime/violence shows they air by saying that "it's what people want because it's what they watch."
But, wouldn't it be nice if there were people in the entertainment industry who were aware of the effect all this crime and violence is having not just on kids but on adults as well. We all walk around with this warped view of reality, thinking it's dangerous to walk down the street for fear of someone jumping out from a bush or an alley and attacking us. And, the problem with that is it makes it very hard to reach out to strangers when you're afraid of them. In fact, kids are taught that all strangers are bad. (Not true - strangers are people you don't know. Think about it this way: Most of the people in your life that you now care about were strangers before you met them). I'm not naive. I acknowledge there are issues with crime in our society. And we need to deal with them.  But being overwhelmed with 10 programs a night of murder, rape and torture is not a helpful way of dealing with the problem. And, if we want to raise a generation of kids to be generous, kind, giving, helpful and feel good about themselves for being this way we need to wake up and think about the kinds of programs we're bombarding our kids with.

Some ideas, you're asking? Well, I'd love to see more programs along the lines of "EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION" and "OPRAH'S BIG GIVE." "AMERICA'S GOT TALENT" and
AMERICAN IDOL" (without the insulting and humiliating judges) are pretty inspiring to watch, but what about people who don't have a special artistic talent like singing or dancing?

I'd love to hear of any other programs you or your kids may be inspired by. Please share them here. I'd also love to hear other ideas you think might work to get TV to inspire kids to be good people - or do you think it's a lost cause and we should throw out our TV's?

I invite you to join in on the conversation.

IMPROVE YOUR HEALTH!

There are many ways to improve your health and lots of places to find out how. But you probably won't find this information in a whole lot of places. Unfortunately, it's not that well-known. But it needs to be.

So, here it is: If you want to improve your physical health.... be a good person! Studies show that  when you help people (especially strangers) your physical health improves: You get fewer colds, fewer episods of the flu, a decrease in migraines, less stomachaches, and a quicker recovery from surgery.

The reason these changes occur is that when you help people your immune system is affected. Every time you do a kind act your immune system strengthens. Since the immune system is what prevents disease from attacking our bodies, it keeps us healthy when it is strong. People actually take stuff to help them build up their immune systems. But, all they really have to do is go out and help people: do a random act of kindness every day and see what happens. Not only will you be healthier, you will be making a difference in people's lives. 

IT'S GOOD 2B GOOD!

COURAGE

Even though being a good person has benefits doesn't mean it's easy. In fact, at times it can  be downright hard. Why? Because many people have such a negative attitude toward "being good." They have bought into prevalent myths such as " Nice people finish last," and "Good people are doormats." So when they meet someone who demonstrates kindness they look down on them, sometimes treating them disrespectfully.

That's where the need for courage comes in. Courage is standing up to people who treat you with disrespect. That can be difficult, especially in situations in which you are alone against many others.

But think of courage as a muscle that needs to be strengthened. Work on it a little at a time. Practice standing up to people, stating what you believe in and why it matters to you. You may be pleasantly surprised at the number of people who begin to show you respect, even if they disagree.

By the way, those people are mistaken. Somewhere along the way they missed the fact that being a good person doesn't mean you give up your sense of self-worth and self-respect. Those who do become doormats and finish last. But as long as you maintain your sense of self-worth and self-respect while doing good you actually do very well in life.

And, of course you are happier, healthier and have better self-esteem. 

A CHAIN OF KINDNESS

When you do an act of kindness, you may be starting a chain that goes all the way around the world, and maybe comes back to you. When you do that act of kindness you only see the very next link in the chain - the person to whom you did the act of kindness. Usually, you don't get to see any further than that. But most people who receive an act of kindness tend to pass it on to someone else. So, most of the time a link at a time is added to the chain. Slowly but surely that chain keeps getting longer and longer. It can go around your family, neighborhood, community, city, state, country, continent, and eventually can reach the other side of the world. Pretty cool, huh? The next time someone does an act of kindness for you, you may be another link in a chain you started!

So, the next time you have an opportunity, start a chain of kindness. Then just sit back and know that more than likely that chain will keep getting longer and longer and, you never know, you just may be the recipient of an act of kindness that happened because of you!!!!

BETTER SELF-ESTEEM

One of the benefits of being a good person is better self-esteem. Several studies have shown that people who help others on a regular basis have higher self-esteem than when they started. It makes total sense. When you help someone the feeling you get is very intense - kind of like a high. That high happens because you are doing something that is making a difference for someone else in a positive way. We all want to feel that what we are doing matters. I think that's why some people go to extremes in order to feel like they've made a difference. That drive to make a difference is so strong some people don't even care if what they do is positive. But, if they knew how powerful it can be to make a positive difference for someoone ( or many people, for that matter) they would be out there doing great things.

So, next time you're feeling like your self-esteem could use a shot in the arm, go out and do something nice for someone. You'll feel better about yourself and the world will be a better place!