It's Good 2B Good

IT'S GOOD 2B GOOD IS NOW A BOOK!

IT'S GOOD 2B GOOD: Why It's Not Bad To Be Good was published June 15th, 2011. I am very excited to see the finished product. It came out great! The cover is beautiful and eye-catching and the pictures and illustrations really help make it a great book for kids. Parents will also like the chapter for parents on how to raise a good kid and teachers will enjoy the section on how to increase acts of goodness in the classroom. So far, I have had two book signings and hope to do a lot more. If you know of an opportunity to give a talk on the book, do a book reading or a book signing, please let me know. I am looking for as many opportunities as possible to get me message out. 

Thank you and enjoy the book. It is available at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and Borders.com. Please order, read it and submit reviews on their websites. Thanks and don't forget: IT'S GOOD 2B GOOD!

Why do bullies think bullying is the best, or only, way to get what they want? Because they have learned to see it that way. They may have experienced bullying at home by their parents or by older siblings. Their parents may yell, threaten, or actually hit them in order to get them to do what they want. Frustrated and overworked parents may have lost patience with their kids and think the only way they can get them to clean their rooms or do their chores is to bully them. They have seen it demonstrated in movies, TV, and video games.

There is so much violence in movies today it makes you wonder how kids exist who don't engage in violence. TV shows are filled with yelling, screaming, cursing, humiliation and practical jokes. It's so sad to me that there are several shows currently on the air in which the theme of the show is setting someone up for humiliation through practical jokes. One show I came across last night is called "Scare Tactics." I only watched part of one segment, but the idea was to have the "victim" believe she was watching someone being killed right in front of her eyes. Then her "friend" and the camera crew reveal it's just a joke. The person didn't really die.

Did I really see this?

Somehow the  environment of kids who become bullies is filled with examples of people getting what they want through violence. They have come to believe that it is the best way, and sometimes the only way, of getting what they want. 

Here's the problem: If it ever does work, which it rarely does, it is superficial and temporary. When a bully demands money from a victim, for example, he may get the money. But, the money is just a superficial symbol of what the bully really wants: respect. He will never get respect from a victim, only fear and pain. The bully may feel a temporary feeling of power and success, but it will be short-lived. because whatever he spends the money on he will not enjoy. There will always be that voice in his head reminding him that the cost of getting his "prize" was not worth the cost. 

What he doesn't know is that the pleasure and enjoyment of getting a desired item through kindness, respect, and honor ( such as having a job, helping someone out during a difficult time, volunteering, etc.) is a much more satisfying, enjoyable, and successful way of being. 

We need to provide bullies with positive alternatives to their beliefs and actions, so they can discover for themselves that bullying does not work to get them what they want.

BULLYING: GETTING THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES

I have been focused on bullying for a while now, and am so happy to see the media getting involved in trying to deal with this problem. Yes, bullying has always existed, but the tragedy of kids committing suicide as a result of being bullied is putting the spotlight on this problem like never before. What a sad commentary that it had to get this far before they acknowledged the problem, but, thankfully, they have. 

Unfortunately, very few people seem to have solutions that work. Many people, schools, and anti-bullying programs are having some success, but I am not seeing the focus put on the right place. 

Here is one educator's understanding and perspective on what bullying is, why it happens, and what we can do to stop it.

First of all, bullying is a culmination of negative and hurtful thoughts, words, attitudes and actions that have existed over a period of time to the point where it is decided "This is now bullying." But, these thoughts, words, attitudes, and actions did not just start yesterday. They started sometime ago in one moment when one child said or did something that caused pain to another child and were not stopped. So it continued. And continued. And continued. Until one day someone decided this child has become a bully. Or this child is engaging in bullying behavior. 

But, why wasn't something done the first time this child said or did something to hurt another? When is it ever ok to think, say, or do anything to hurt another person? Why do we find it acceptable ever? Hurting another should never be accepted, because it always causes pain. That's where our efforts need to be placed: we need to teach children that negative thoughts, words, attitudes, and actions are not acceptable (and will not be tolerated) even once. When it is stopped right away, there is no chance for that child to become a bully. 

So, why do children attempt to hurt others with thoughts, words, attitudes and actions? That's what we'll look at in my next post.

 

Birmingham Girl Commits Suicide; Bullying Was a Factor

Bullying has contributed to yet another child committing suicide: Alex Moore of Birmingham, Alabama. How many will it take before we, as a society, wake up and do what we need to do to stop these tragedies from happening? Now I am really fired up and on a crusade to end this craziness. Will you join me? Here are a few steps you can take now:

 1. Eliminate gossip from your life, especially around kids.                                     

 2. Eliminate all negative, hurtful words from your vocabulary. Express angry feelings directly: 'I'm angry at you because______  or "I feel hurt because _____" 

3. Send emails to TV shows that use humiliation as entertainment such as AFHV, Punk'd, Bloopers and Practical Jokes and express your concern regarding the effect their shows are having on all of us, especially kids.                            

4. Create an environment around you in which you only use positive words and only allow yourself to hear positive words. Avoid people who focus on the negative traits of others.                                                                             

5. Teach your kids that all bullying starts from the same place: your brain, Because all bullying starts with a thought. So, watch your thoughts. Thoughts can be changed. If you find yourself thinking a negative thought about someone, change that thought. You'll be amazed how much better YOU will feel, let alone the other person.                                                                                                      AND...                    

 Be slow to anger; be patient; be compassionate. We have to be the ones who send the message that it is no longer acceptable to allow  kids to witness adults using  hurtful and harmful behavior with each other. We are their role models. We have to do our part. Once we do our part it will be a lot easier to help them. But kids today can too easily say, " I see adults hurt and humiliate each other all the time. So, what's so bad about it?" Is this what we want kids to think? That it's ok to treat people like that because we see adults do it all the time? 

 Please share this with anyone you think might benefit from it. Thank you.