It's Good 2B Good

PRANKS RULED ILLEGAL (APRIL FOOL'S)

Though I really don't think pranks should be illegal, I strongly believe we should voluntarily stop participating in doing them and watching them. Today being April Fool's Day, the "signature day for pranks" I thought it would be a good day to state my issues with pranks.

First of all, pranks are "pulled" on innocent victims for the purpose of getting them to feel strong feelings (fear, anger, jealousy, embarrassment, shame, etc.) and then having them find out the situation that made them feel those feelings didn't really happen: ''IT WAS JUST A JOKE - APRIL FOOL'S."

Here are the problems:

1. Humiliating someone in public (these pranks are always done in public) is insensitive and mean and can lead to lasting feelings of shame, even for people who are pretty confident and sure of themselves. No one knows how they would react in a certain situation until it presents itself, so there's no way to prepare. People may be surprised and deeply disappointed in themselves for the way they reacted to a false scenario that is then witnessed by others.  There's no way to "redo" it.  Once it's done, it's over and friends, classmates, or family members will always remember the reaction to the prank which can lead to deep humiliation on the part of the victim.

2. There are many people walking around with serious mental health issues, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), or are suffering from a significant loss (a job, a house, or even a parent, spouse or child), or have a serious health issue. It's impossible to know ahead of time who will be severely impacted in a negative way by a prank. You can't test people in advance. And you can't know what's really going on inside them when you decide to prank them. 

We've already heard about one tragic case in London in which a nurse who was pranked by some Radio DJ's pretending to be the Queen took her own life as a result of a prank. There probably were other factors, but the prank played a role. That's the problem. You can't know the other factors that are affecting a person's ability to laugh at themselves and let it go and move on. Some people are good at that. But many aren't. Someone may be ok with it one day and not ok the next. 

3. Pranks erode our trust in each other. Every time we see a prank or hear about one, we never accept the same situation again. We question whether what is happening is real or whether it's a prank. When Jimmy Kimmel tells parents to take away their kids' Halloween candy, tell them they ate it all and film the reactions for Youtube, how long will it take for those kids to trust their parents again? If it was only a joke then, is it a joke now? How do I know? Will that trust ever come back? And will the kids decide to prank their parents to get back at them? The consequences of eroding trust between parents and children could be catastrophic. 

The proliferation of prank shows on TV - including one by Betty White in which older people prank younger people - is a sad sign of who we are today. We consider watching an innocent person being humiliated an acceptable form of entertainment. Really? Do we really want this to be true?

In case you haven't noticed, the innocent pranks of Candid Camera days of having a mailbox move a few inches or a traffic cop doing a dance have changed into having a boat explode during a wedding ceremony as a result of a "fake" firework, people thinking their cars have just been crashed into, and that someone just got murdered in front of their eyes. 

I hope reading this has caused you to give some serious thought to your position on pranks and possibly has inspired you to refrain from being involved in pranks in the future. 

 

Letter from a Kid's Point of View

Dear Grownups,

     I don't know if you know this, but I can see everything you say and do. Actually, I look to you to help ME know what to say and do in a lot of situations. You are supposed to be smarter and more mature than me, so I always thought you would be able to guide me and help me through life. 

     But, lately, I'm not so sure I can count on you. You seem to be just as confused as I am. Take violence; you say you don't want me to be a bully; to be mean to other kids and tease them and call them names, but then I see you do it all the time on TV, in movies, and even in real life. I overhear your conversations where you say mean things about your friends or people at work behind their backs and you make fun of them and we all laugh. i don't get it. Why is it ok for you and not for me?

And are you going to tell me that movies and TV are just make believe? Not reality shows. I've seen Simon Cowell be so mean he makes men and women cry, I've seen Abby Miller on Dance Moms and Alicia Dunlap on Cheer Perfection make little girls cry, and I've seen Real Housewives yell and scream such mean things at each other I thought they were going to really kill each other. It scared me. I've also seen you laugh at comedies where the actors have scenes where they look like they're all kids making fun of each other. Is that the way you entertain yourselves - by laughing at people being humiliated? 

And you spend a lot of time watching movies filled with violence, watch TV shows every day about terrible crimes, and play video games where you get to practice shooting guns to try to kill as many people as possible. Then you turn around and tell me I can't play video games like that or watch shows and movies like that. I don't get it. Why do you think it's ok for you but not for me? 

I can't figure out what you want from me and what you want for me? Do you want me to look up to you as a role model? Well, how can I do that when I see you (and other grownups) being angry, hostile, critical and just plain mean to each other? That what you're showing me all the time. I see it everywhere I look.

When I was little you taught me to be nice and kind to everybody and you wanted me to be a good person. You taught me that hurting another person's feelings is always wrong and that if we care about each other and treat each other with respect we can all get along. But, I don't see you grownups getting along. I don't see you treating each other with respect. Am I missing something?

If you want me to be nice and kind to people you need to show me how to do that. I don't know the words to say and the actions to take by myself. I need you to be my teachers and role models. If you only show me criticism, anger, meanness, and cruelty that's probably the way I'll be, too. Because It will show me that you think it's ok to be that way. Maybe you think it's even good to be that way. Is it? 

Would you please decide because I am totally confused and don't know what to believe anymore.

Thank you for listening to me.

Sincerely,

A kid's point of view

REACTION TO DJ'S PRANK INTERVIEW

So, the DJ's that created and implemented the prank that led to the suicide of a nurse are speaking out. They claim they had no idea this woman would end up killing herself as the result of what they did. 

This is the whole point of why pranks are a problem and should be eliminated. No one knows the impact a prank might have on potential victims. There are too many circumstances that are unknowable in advance to determine whether a potential victim is going to be able to brush it off or suffer a more painful and long-lasting impact. 

Why would anyone want to risk causing pain to someone for a simple laugh? 

No, not everyone who is the victim of a prank commits suicide, but many have serious negative consequences as the result of it. 

Humiliation is cruel, especially when it is done in public. The question we really need to ask ourselves is: Do we want to be a part of a society that accepts humiliation of others as a form of humor? Why would we want that? What does it say about us? Some questions to ponder....

PRANK PREVENTION PETITION

Please sign your name in the comment section if you agree that pranks are not an acceptable form of humor. 

1. Sandra Zerner, M.Ed.

 

THE PROBLEMS WITH PRANKS

 It is unfortunate that it took a death to finally wake us up to the consequences of an act that has become all too popular in today’s culture: the prank

 

Pulling pranks has been around for a very long time, but only in recent years has it become not only socially acceptable but honored through countless TV programs that glorify them and promote the idea to our young people. Programs such as: Punk’d, Scare Tactics, Unpractical Jokers, Punk My Mom, and even a Disney version called Code: 9, just to name a few, are all glamorizing the humiliation of unsuspecting victims filmed by hidden camera only to be revealed that the scenario they believe is happening and is causing them to be angry, embarrassed, guilty, petrified, or ashamed is “just a joke.”

 

From the moment I saw the first prank show I knew this was not a good trend. Pulling a prank on an innocent victim is setting up an artificial scenario causing this person to have strong (sometimes out of control) feelings  - usually negative - for the purpose of giving the audience a good laugh. This attempt at humor can lead to harmful consequences for all of us and potentially dangerous consequences to the victim.

 

First of all, there is no doubt that trust is eroded when a prank is pulled on someone. The person who is being laughed at for his reaction to something that didn’t really happen is a humiliating experience to many people. It would be very difficult to gain back the trust of the person or group of people who put someone through that experience. 

And trust is the cornerstone of any healthy functioning group. A child needs to trust her parents; a student needs to trust his teacher; an employee needs to trust his boss; and a friend needs to trust her friend. If trust is eroded these relationships can fall apart, and as relationships are the foundation of society, can lead to societal breakdown.

 

The larger problem with pranks is that when the prank is planned and the victim selected, it is generally not known how the victim will react. It is almost impossible to know how the victim will react because the pranksters don’t know everything in the victim’s background. Anyone who has suffered significant trauma in their past can have a powerful and painful reaction to being humiliated for laughs. 

Anyone who is highly sensitive can have a painful reaction; someone who is going through a particularly difficult time in their lives, for example, has suffered a recent loss, can have a painful reaction. Someone who suffers from a mental illness or a condition such as Asperger’s could have a painful reacton. 

 

I suspect there are many people out there who were the victims of pranks and who have lasting emotional scars as a result. And now we know of at least one prank victim who was so humiliated she apparently took her own life.

 

Do we really want to live in a society that is willing to risk the breakdown of trust and the lives of others simply for a good laugh? 

48 Hours to Air Program on Bullying

Instead of the typical stories done on murders, unsolved crimes and other depressing topics, 48 Hours is changing course and covering an important topic that can help a lot of people: Bullying. The program will air this Friday, September 16th on CBS at 8:00 PM (PT/ET). The program is called Bullying: Words Can Kill and will focus on the pervasiveness of the problems bullying causes due to internet and social media sites added to the already serious consequences of bullying in person. 

We all need to take responsibilty to stop the tremendous pain kids are causing each other. Let's hope this program makes a difference in the lives of huring kids. 

Go here to read an article on the 48 Hours Website.

And thank you, CBS, for using your program to do good!

A GREAT BOOK: THE HIDDEN GIFTS OF HELPING

I just finished an incredible book: THE HIDDEN GIFTS OF HELPING: How the Power of Giving, Compassion and Hope Can Get Us Through Hard Times by Stephen G. Post, Ph.D. 

I am familiar with Dr. Post's work. I first found out about him when I spotted another of his books - WHY GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE  - in a bookstore several years ago. I read it and was fascinated and deeply inspired by it. I then heard him interviewed on a radio show. I felt so connected to him; it was the first time I had heard of someone who also is passionate about inspiring people to be good. So, I called him up and introduced myself because I just had to speak with him. Unfortunately, he lives on the East Coast, so I wasn't able to go to any of his talks, but we have been in touch through email and he has been an inspiration to me. 

Anyway, back to the book: He wrote the book as a result of a move to a new city for a new job. He and his family had to leave a community they had become deeply attached to for 20 years and start over in a new place not knowing anybody. Dr. Post shares the difficulty of the experience as he provides research on how and why helping others helps us overcome difficult and challenging situations. It is full of fascinating data, inspirational true accounts of people overcoming incredibly challenging circumstances, and the saga of he and his family adusting to a new life and how their desire and willingness to help others made a huge difference in helping them succeed in their new environment. 

I highly recommend this book for everyone, especially now while so many are going through such difficult times. You will not regret it. 

You can find the book here

Another Teacher Making a Difference

 

Found this article here from Ode Magazine about a teacher who is teaching kids that loving others is really what it's all about. He's getting kids to make a difference in the lives of others as well as their own. 

Way to go! 

What a Mom with 5 Kids and a Full-Time Job Can Teach Us

Check out this great blog post: How She Does It

Wow! This mom of 5 kids (including 2-year-old triplets) figured out something many people never do: that even with the stress of a full-time job, a husband and 5 kids the best way to live your life is to treat others the way you want to be treated: with patience,KINDNESS, and respect. 

Thank you for sharing your wisdom; your kids are lucky to have you.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO GOOD AND IT BACKFIRES?

A good person I know just sent me this question on my Facebook page. It's a great question that gets asked a lot, so I thought I'd try my best to answer it here.

There are many different aspects to the issue, so I'll go through them one at a time.

First of all, without knowing the details of a particular situation, I can't address the specific incident and why it might have happened. But, there are general principles that always apply in life.

One, good only leads to good. When you put out positive energy, it leads to positive energy always in all ways. 

So if negative energy arises, it's not due to the good that you did, but came about for another reason. 

Here are a few questions to ask yourself if you feel you did good and it backfired: 

1. If you go back and review your actions, was there a hunch or feeling inside telling you this particular good act may not be a good idea? Sometimes we pick up energy from others but don't pay attention to our intuition. There may have been a number of reasons why this kind act was not appropriate with this person (or group of people) at this particular time. 

2. Some people are not capable of receiving kindness. They may have come from a background (such as abuse) in which they don't believe they deserve to be treated well. If they have difficulty receiving kindness, compassion, love etc. they  will not be able to show appreciation for something you did and that may cause you pain. They may also try to take advantage of you. But that is their issue, not yours. (Your issue may be: did I allow someone to take advantage of me? If so, why, and how can I prevent it from happening again)?

3. All events can be looked at from different perspectives. Most of us look at events that cause pain and say, "That was a crisis," or "that was a punishment," or "that was a tragedy." But the same events can also be looked at as simply "events." And then the question changes from "why did this happen?" to "What can I learn from this?" or "Who do I choose to be in the face of this event?" By asking these questions you create an opportunity to learn valuable information about yourself, about the people in your life, about the world you live in, and gives you the opportunity to grow. And you decide who you want to be in reaction to the event: do you want to be vengeful, angry, kind, forgiving? It's all up to you. Again, an opportunity to grow. 

4. Overall, ask yourself if the good you do generally leads to good results. Are you generally happy and do you generally feel people treat you well? Do you feel that the good you do comes back to you often and in many different ways? If so, an occasional painful result is a good opportunity to ask: Did I set myself up for it? Could it have been averted? What can I learn from this about myself and others to become a better and stronger and more loving person?

I hope you don't give up on being a good person - the world needs your goodness, and the truth is: IT'S GOOD TO BE GOOD!

EVEN A WATERPARK CAN BRING OPPORTUNITIES TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Last Thursday I finally took my annual trip to the Wet 'n Wild Waterpark in Phoenix. I love waterparks and try to go at least once every summer. They're great places to cool off, get some adrenaline going, and play or relax in the water. I love spending time there. 

So, I was taking advantage of the last weekday the park would be open for the summer as Phoenix kids go back to school this week. I had nothing on my mind except having a good time. 

And then, out of the blue, an opportunity presented itself to help. I was standing in a very long line for a particular waterslide ride. It's a large round raft that seats up to 5 people and goes around lots of curves as it descends gradually about 4 stories down to the ground. As I was waiting in line I met Trinity, a 5 year old girl who was there with her Aunt Jessica. They were in line behind me. I was chatting with them for a while when I noticed a little girl crying directly in front of me. The young couple with her were trying to console her and trying to talk her into going on the ride. Apparently she was getting scared and had changed her mind about going on the ride. She was also about 5 years old. I watched for a few seconds - and then I got an idea. Trinity had already told me she had been on the ride before and really liked it. So, I leaned down and said, "Hey, Trinity, could you do me a favor? It looks like the girl in front of me is scared. Maybe you could tell her what you just told me - that you went on the ride and it was really fun. Would you do that?" Well, Trinity immediately got shy and shook her head no. So, I thought for a second and asked, "Is it ok if I tell her what you told me?" And she nodded her head. So, I introduced myself to the young couple (who it turned out were her aunt and uncle) and told the 3 of them what Trinity had just told me. Still, the little girl (whose name was Kia) was stll feeling scared and more tears flowed. So, I thought for another moment and came up with another idea: maybe Kia would be willing to ride with Trinity in the same raft. I asked them and they both agreed. The 2 girls started talking and getting to know each other while we waited the last 5 minutes in line.Kia and Trinity ended up going together with Jessica and Kia's aunt while I ended up riding with Kia's uncle and someone from another group. When I got down to the bottom I went up to Kia and congratulated her for her bravery and asked if she liked it. She said yes. I thanked Trinity for the kindness she showed Kia by inviting her to ride in the same raft. 

Although I may have orchestrated the whole thing, it was really the kindness of a 5 year old girl and her willingness to reach out and help someone that led to a happy ending. 

It turned out to be a great day at the waterpark.